Wednesday, February 2, 2011

I'm Back!!!!

Well hello there!!

It's been 7 months since my  fingers have navigated these technology waters. I can't believe time has gone by that quickly {sigh}. But no matter.., let me tell you it is good to be back!

I have been through some rough waters in the last few months. My health declined, my marriage nearly crumbled, and my relationships with family and friends were nearly none existent. I felt defeated, guilty, bitter, helpless and hopeless. Yet through it all I held on strongly to the Almighty (truly HE held me).

If there was ever a time to recapture the wonder in my life, then that time was definitely this past summer.

 Ever since I was a teenager I struggled with depression. This condition runs in my family and was somewhat under control. I say somewhat because during that same time I was introduced to the Christian faith and whenever I struggled with any feelings of despondency I would immediately brush it off as if it were a sin. Time went on and I didn't receive any treatment. Fast forward a few years I get married and my depression begins to immerse. My husband suggests that I get treatment and I shoo him off and am quite offended at the thought of him suggesting that I have no control over my emotions. So I continue this roller coaster ride. Six years later I am nearly drained. My mood swings got so intense that I began to fear for my very life. I experienced hallucinations and voices. I did the most ridicules, irrational things and yet through it all I found myself completely in denial of my condition. 

It was embarrassing....

After  2 months of confusion I decided that for the well being of my husband and myself we needed to separate. My intention was divorce I have a 4 year old who was really a victim in all this chaos... that was the hardest part (At that time I decided to leave Lawn Fawn as well. I should mention here that Kelly was so supportive through the entire process. I love that girl even though I have yet to meet her in person :) 

I was away in Michigan in a lonely apartment close to my mom. There in the solitude of those four empty walls something began to change. I accepted the fact that I was in desperate need of help. Though ashamed I knew I needed to take action not for me but for my little girl... and there true healing began.

Depression is a disease that needs medical assistance... never neglect it!

Three months later my husband and I reconcile and we decide to seek treatment together. Everything at this point is at a halt. This man, my husband dropped absolutely everything to go with me through this entire process. Yes, I love this man!!! Because of this finances were tight... we were leaning on the Arm of faith. We go from Michigan to San Diego to seek medical help. There an awesome doctor greets us and the treatment begins. Two weeks into it he suggests me going on a gluten free diet. I kid you not 36 hrs. later I felt great and I begin journaling my food intake. Little did I know that my bi polar disorder was due to gluten sensitivity. It's been 6 months since that visit and I can truly say that I have been healed!! God is Awesome!!

Now Recapturing Wonders is more than my blog's name it's my life's motto. It's finding beauty in all the simple things that I have here; right next to me every day.

It's good to be back with a clean page sort of speak. I've missed you all and thanks those of you who sent email of encouragement and prayers. They meant the world to me. Can't wait to see what you all have been up to :)

The new blog look is only temporary (we'll see how it goes). I just thought it was fitting to change everything as a symbol of a new start. 

Oh before I forget I found that pink little flower peaking out my window yesterday. I can't believe they are already blooming :) I know it's cold in other places even snow storm but rest assured that even though the winter chill may still be holding strong the warmth that comes from family and friends will always keep you warm :)



Laura O'Donnell said...

Thank you for sharing your story, Jessica. So happy to hear that you are well. I've missed you!

Tammy said...

God truly does work in mysterious ways!! I have missed your posts, and just yesterday checked you on my Blog reader to see if you had posted any updates (in case I perhaps missed one), and I prayed that everything was okay with you. Then lo and behold, I wake up this morning to see this post! Thanks so much for your story! I'm so glad you are feeling better and that you and your husband found the strength to reconcile. May God continue to send you blessings for a "wonder"ous 2011!! Welcome back!!

~amy~ said...

::welcome back:: You've been missed...thanks for sharing your story...kudos to you:)

Ashley Nguyen Newell said...

Hi Jessica! Thank you for being brave enough to share your story! I, too, suffer with depression and I really hate when people make me feel like it's something I should be shameful of. You're right, it's a MEDICAL condition and we need doctors to help us just like any other person with illness.

I'm glad you were able to seek help and find someone who really understood what was needed to help you recover! That is wonderful!

Welcome back! I can't wait to see what this year holds for you now that the fog has finally lifted!

Ann said...

SO glad you are back! God is truly amazing! Thanks for sharing your story with us. God bless!

AnitaRex said...

Hi Jessica! I am so happy that your back! I have thought of you often and prayed for you! Praise God that he restored your health and your marriage! What an amazing man of God you are married to! So happy you figured out you need a gluten free diet! I never doubted you would be back be healed and I am so happy you are! Thank you for sharing your story it takes guts but it will help others too!

LaVonne @ Long Wait said...

The transparency in this post is enough to make tears come to my eyes. Thank you for sharing this.

My own sister struggles with bi-polar disorder and stopped taking her medication soon after high school. She mostly stays in her room and does not have a lot of friends. I worry about her, but just don't know how to get through. Your story is uplifting and full of hope. I appreciate it.

I had no idea what you were going through, just that I missed your great card creations. :) I am glad you are back and working towards a healthy life with your family and God.

I want to tell you a great book I am reading by a pastor's wife: I Quit! By Geri S (I can't remember her last name but it is on Amazon) I love it. It is about quitting the pretense that everything is okay and not believing that it is a sin to have struggles.

Jocelyn said...

I have missed your blog! But how amazing that God has worked in your life and in your marriage to recapture that wonder!!! I had tears in my eyes reading this post. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us:-)

Laurel said...

Jessica, I am so pleased to see you back. And what a brave person you are to share your story with us all. I believe God brought your husband into your life to help you thru the difficult times you faced. Your faith, his faith and your love for each other and Jesus saved you. I truly believe that. I was just asking someone about you a few days ago and when I saw a new post in my Google Reader, a huge smile came to my face. I am so happy to see you back Jessica.

Anthonette said...

I couldn't not believe it when I saw 3 new blog postings from you in Google Reader. I'm happy you are back, Jessica! Thank you for sharing your story. A few years ago, my dad was diagnosed with depression after several serious health problems, cancer included.

It's aweseome were able to get help. I'm interested to hear more about the gluten-free diet.

Rose said...

Welcome back, Jessica! Your story of recapturing wonders is amazing. I am so glad to see you back. Though we haven't met personally, your story has touched me and I can't help but cheer you on. Warmest wishes to you, blogging friend :) Here's to a fresh start!

clouds shadler said...

Jessica, I'm so glad yer back, we've missed you here in da blogging world. you are so brave to share your personal experiences with us. All I can say is that I hope you stay positive and know that even though you have have depression you don't have to let depression take control of you. Depression runs in my family as well, but ya know, it;s all in yer mind, whenever u start feeling that way, distract yerself, stay positive. Someone once told me that depression is a form of selfishness, all you can think about is you, but, if you put your focus on yer fam and fam you can overcome it :) along with help. And yes, a good healthy diet is a good way to start!

C :)

Jessica said...

Thanks Clouds!! I do believe what you mean about depression being only in your mind for me however it was a chemical imbalance as it is for millions of people. I thought for years it was only the "selfishness syndrome" which I believe it has a lot to do with in many cases. For me however, as it may be with other people, it was the undigested gluten protein. Medical assistance was crucial. I would have never overcomed it unless I eliminated this element from my diet and like I mentioned here six month without eating any gluten and I haven't had any episodes. I tell you God id good :)

stampingsis said...

Welcome back.Although you've been missed now we will be blessed not only by your amazing talent but also by your testamony.Thank you for sharing

Brandi said...

Oh my goodness! You are back, I am so giddy! I was one that sent you a couple of emails to see how you were doing. Glad everything is coming full circle and you are on the road to recovery. Depression is a disease no matter what anyone thinks and should be treated as so. I have a close family member that struggled with this and due to acceptance has turned her life around. You are an inspiration and not alone in your journey. If you ever need an ear to speak to, I'm here! You have truely been missed!!!

Geny (Mommy Geny) said...

So glad to see you back Jessica. And thank you for being so candid and sharing your story. You are an inspiration and am so glad that all is well now. I just went through a few posts from the last month or so and I am still loving your cards, awesome and amazing!! Sending you big hugs!!

Winter said...

Hey Jessica! I'm sorry it took so long to come by, I had no idea you were back! Your story really touched my heart, as I too have dealt with depression through parts of my life. And I know the Lord has always been there for me and really healed me of it! I'm so Thankful that you are feeling better! :)